alone

growing

apart

adds infection

to wound

letting go

roughs up soft

edges

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jack in the box

 

 

door slammed shut

keep out sign hanging on the door knob

 

panic lives in her chest

winding the jack in the box

anxiety jumps with its

white clown face – screaming

pounding and pounding

stealing another 24 hours

 

messy bed and unwashed sheets

are left,

twisting and turning around daytime

hair falling out

unwashed face

unbrushed teeth

the rotting of woman

 

her knuckles start to yellow

and her heart hardens

sagging bags under eyes

droop like grandma’s skin

 

the dark creases of loneliness

stiffening the body

wide awake with the night

holding hands with one another

skipping over cracks in the sidewalk

nails painted black

chipped and scratched

 

her toes get caught in the traps

left out for squirming mice

the tight pinch of reality is just a slap across the face

the handprint screaming red over her right cheek

what goes unexplained

 

 

It’s a better story if i talk about

Finding flowers in open wounds

If i say it’s alright

If i tell you that i’m better now

That i can see the different

shades of morning again

Like i used to

Or if i talk about the spinning head demons

Running circles but there isnt really anything

Poetic about this pain

I cant make this a pretty ending.

A fire cant burn forever

The flames begin as bright rage

a train wreck of rushing water

through broken windpipes and

out of tune voice boxes/

an endless series of darts thrown

head on

a fistful of promises and crushed violets

an exposed wire

knotting my arms into concrete

force of bitter beginnings

 

but you know what they say

a fire cant burn forever

The demon in my chest

Your ghost keeps good company

in the mouth of late December,

with or without it’s clamping,

snapping teeth.

Icicles freeze to his

umbrella eyelashes.

Chew the pieces of me

Break me down and

Set fire to everything I know.

Every thing that

I was and am today.

A simple blackness

A simple life, tortured.

It thrives and smiles upon

the rotting of you and me,

On the calm it creates craze.

Your ghost keeps good company

lets me know that I will never suffer alone.

Recovery: On graduating DBT

Today was my very last session with my individual therapist and my last skills group for DBT. It took me 2 years to agree do do this program and now it’s almost been a year that I’ve been in it. DBT is honestly a life changing program and so many people can benefit from it (not only those who struggle with tough emotions and impulsivity). I am really happy that dbt will eventually be in schools for young people! I wouldn’t of been able to do it without my amazing therapist and friends I’ve made in the hospital. I’m so grateful for everyone who has helped me along the way. It’s hard to believe how much I’ve overcome and everything that I’ve been faced with.

Before DBT I was being hospitalized for suicide attempts and self harm medical problems. I was struggling so much that I was completely hopeless. I started self harming at school and was being punished for acting out that way. My anxiety got so bad that I had to drop a lot of courses and had to get an EA to help me out. I was constantly triggered by my family members and my by environment.

https://www.instagram.com/p/-ANDQiC8GK/?taken-by=megthepoet

I can’t say that now i don’t struggle, because I do. The difference is that I’m able to cope better with difficult situations thanks to some amazing people at HSC and on the DBT team there. I feel a sense of freedom in being done but also sadness and fear as to what is next for me. I will take with me my most treasured experiences and the knowledge that I have gained from this last year of pushing through everything!