alone

growing

apart

adds infection

to wound

letting go

roughs up soft

edges

Advertisements

shapeshifter (poem)

 

 

you sharpened

your words with

      a knife

dug deep into me

 

the bathtub,

fills with my

blood

clogs the drain

 

I drown in  

 your dirty hands

your rough and

 sharp touch

 

you scrape off my tears

off with your

rusty   finger nails

bruising the bags

under my eyes

medicated

On destruction

 

you carved your initials

into my chapped lips

Stripped me down to

You’re deathly standard.

what goes unexplained

 

 

It’s a better story if i talk about

Finding flowers in open wounds

If i say it’s alright

If i tell you that i’m better now

That i can see the different

shades of morning again

Like i used to

Or if i talk about the spinning head demons

Running circles but there isnt really anything

Poetic about this pain

I cant make this a pretty ending.

red escape

Head spinning

Out of control.

Eyes, gone.

The hallways

Are empty but

no pace

To be.

Running

On an endless

Track.

The infection

Spreads,

All through my

Bones.

The sickness

It leaves me cold.

The t r e m b l i n g

Shudder comes

With a heavy fall.

Not a hallucination

Or even a nightmare.

This is the worst

Of reality.

Hands covered

With crimson

Red of my own

Blood.

There is no

Sting, only the slick

Relief

Straight line of

Shame knots in

Skin.

Recovery: On graduating DBT

Today was my very last session with my individual therapist and my last skills group for DBT. It took me 2 years to agree do do this program and now it’s almost been a year that I’ve been in it. DBT is honestly a life changing program and so many people can benefit from it (not only those who struggle with tough emotions and impulsivity). I am really happy that dbt will eventually be in schools for young people! I wouldn’t of been able to do it without my amazing therapist and friends I’ve made in the hospital. I’m so grateful for everyone who has helped me along the way. It’s hard to believe how much I’ve overcome and everything that I’ve been faced with.

Before DBT I was being hospitalized for suicide attempts and self harm medical problems. I was struggling so much that I was completely hopeless. I started self harming at school and was being punished for acting out that way. My anxiety got so bad that I had to drop a lot of courses and had to get an EA to help me out. I was constantly triggered by my family members and my by environment.

https://www.instagram.com/p/-ANDQiC8GK/?taken-by=megthepoet

I can’t say that now i don’t struggle, because I do. The difference is that I’m able to cope better with difficult situations thanks to some amazing people at HSC and on the DBT team there. I feel a sense of freedom in being done but also sadness and fear as to what is next for me. I will take with me my most treasured experiences and the knowledge that I have gained from this last year of pushing through everything!

snapshots

Bulimia’s hair is tangled

and screaming

like a six year old

who wont take no

for an answer

Lips coated in

sugar and shame

and teeth bleached by the

crawling stomach acid.

her body hides

behind hoodies

long sleeves, cardigans

sweats and

skinny jeans

she has been here

since the very beginning

held my hand as i

crossed the street

to the corner store

wiped the tears

from my cheeks

she stays by my side

a childhood friend

that never went away

with every calorie missed

every dinner I skipped

is a pat on the back

a job well done

that only caused

more pain to try

to diminish.   

hunger pains

eyes missing –

blind to what

has hidden beneath

the surface of

flesh and bone

of a rumbling stomach

to the sound of a

ticking clock.

could not digest

what has been

thrown overboard

for days, weeks,

months and years.

by the minute

the hunt of

perfection lives inside of

my icebox heart

frozen and still

shivering.

inside a stomach of fears

and faults,

imploding

this pack of brown

glaring eyes is a graveyard

i visit every day

the bedding of night

keeps my arms covered

keeps my legs in ease.

the troubled sickness

punches me

with a fist so

strong and eager.