start at the beginning



It was

A separation

pounding at back doors

and opening mailboxes


It started like

sudden cry

I startled your eyes

with my scarred up skin

the fresh red of my only escape

my sad girl smile

Press play and i am in the hospital


laid out like a corpse

in a blue and white hospital gown

body fighting to live

The IV pumping life back into me

the stiff hospital bed

padded with thin sheeks and



I force myself up

touch my feet to the cold floor

unplug the infusion pump

grip my fingers tight around it

Try and

keep myself vertical but

my limbs give up on me

and a man in all blue

takes my arm before I fall

to the ground, guides me

forward to the washroom

And the smell itself  makes my stomach

Fold onto itself


My eyelids fluttering

open and close.


doctor after doctor after doctor

examine the attempt

The curtains are drawn

I peek out hearing

The diagnoses instead of

Patient names.

The sound of squeaking nurses

running and searching

for another drunken scream


Give me a reason. to stay alive another day

to break free of this

all of this hell

The words are

caught in my throat

I choke on them

Spiders crawling inside skin


injecting venom into my bloodstream

I wrote it down but it doesn’t mean

anything because they want me to



They fear for my safety

not knowing what freedom feels like

but then again

neither do i.

Fast Forward.

48 Hours later.


I hand you the poem

Written on the back of  a napkin.


And finally

I talk, ripping the spider

webs out of my mouth



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